Happy Fall from The Leadership Institute-Women with Purpose! This month, we want to highlight the value of women’s friendships in our lives. In this newsletter, you will find information and advice on how to acquire, build, and maintain friendships. Kim Ryan also shares her...
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1. What makes friendships between women so special and different from the other relationships in our lives?
KR: I think women friends build relationships based on experiences and not on events. Men tend to build relationships on events (i.e., football, golf, or bowling). Our friendships then become much deeper and we gain a certain appreciation for the other person. It is a bond like no other.
2. What do you believe are barriers to successful friendships, specifically among women?
KR: I believe often “time” can be a barrier. We simply need more than 24 hours in a day. Once we take care of our family and community obligations we have little time for ourselves, which usually means our friends, because when we take time for ourselves, we typically spend time with our girlfriends.
3. How can individuals improve and develop strong friendships?
KR: I think any friendship can be improved when there is honesty and open communication.
4. How do friendships change as women move from college into adult life?
KR: In college it is easier to have and maintain friendships because of the mere convenience of it. The day to day activities and concerns a typical college student has are very self-gratifying. You are typically worried about you and what your needs are which do include friendships. Once you evolve into adulthood, your family and your career will typically consume much of your time and energy. However, I do think once you approach the age of 40 it becomes obvious how important your friendships are and they will become a priority for you.
5. Do you have a best friend? What makes your connection with that friend so strong?
KR: Yes, our connection is so strong based on our experiences together. We have been there through so many wonderful times but also horrible, I don’t know if I can make it times. She knows me better than I know myself and our unconditional, non-judgmental love for each other is one of the things in my life that I have absolutely never doubted.
6. How do you find time to honor the special friendships in your life?
KR: I try to send a note or an email whenever I think about them. If I see something in a store that makes me think of someone special, I will usually pick it up and send it to them. My friends get random gifts from me but they appreciate it and know that I was thinking of them and am glad they are in my life. During National Women’s Friendship Month we will get together for a small celebration usually over dinner.
7. Tell us a little about how Kappa Delta decided to become involved in celebrating women’s friendships.
KR: As members of a sorority with over 200,000 women, we are well aware of the importance of female friendship. Friendship has been one of the most important elements of Kappa Delta since its founding in 1897. We also knew that we live in a complex world with many demands on our time and resources. Too often, our friends take the back seat. We wanted to encourage ALL women to recognize the importance of women friends and to set aside time to nurture those friendships.
8. How has Kappa Delta worked to stress the importance of women’s friendships?
KR: There’s been lots of research done over the years that support the importance of friendship, especially among women. Studies have found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate and cholesterol, major risk factors for heart disease. A landmark UCLA study found that when a woman engages in “tending and befriending,” her body, unlike a man’s, releases more oxytocin, a chemical that counters stress and produces a calming effect. From the famed Nurses’ Health Study from Harvard Medical School, researchers concluded that not having close friends or confidants was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight. My favorite study, from Harvard and UC/San Diego, showed that happiness is contagious among friends.
9. What do you value most in your work with Kappa Delta?
KR: I value the opportunities Kappa Delta gives me to make a difference in collegians’ life. I want every collegian to have a positive collegiate experience and for Kappa Delta to be a part of their lives in some way for the rest of their lives.
10. What do you value outside of your work?
KR: I value my friends and my family. Creating a loving environment for my children to grow up in and a place they feel safe is very important to me.
11. Do you have any websites or other resources you would recommend for our readers on women’s friendships?
KR: Women can go to
www.womensfriendshipmonth.com to find a wide variety of resources on women’s friendship, including book listings and links to other websites.